Birds Are Assholes.

"Why I Hate Birds"
by: squirrel_e_girl

I hate birds because birds are assholes.

You wanna know why birds are assholes??

They’re assholes because they are birds.

And birds wake up super early.

4:37 a.m. to be exact.

Assholes.

And birds make way too much noise with all their happy birdie singing and chirping.

At 4:37 a.m.

And they make all that cheery ruckus right outside my bedroom windows and they are so f&@king loud that they drown out both my white noise machine AND a ceiling fan on high.

And they wake me up.

At 4:37.

Assholes.

That is why I hate birds.

THE END


p.s. Yes, I have a machine that makes white noise. I have sleep issues so get off my back (this gadget also makes heartbeat noise and thunderstorm noise and running stream noise and ocean wave noise and a bunch of other noises, including songbird noise...???...If I wanted stupid songbird noise I'd turn the stupid machine off and listen to the choir of assholes that hang out outside my window.)

p.p.s. I spend from 4:37am-7:00 am with a pillow over my head in an effort to get back to sleep. This effort meets with slight to moderate success.

FYI-Feather pillows are far more effective at blocking out stupid bird singing noises than either foam pillows or buckwheat pillows. I find that kinda funny.

p.p.p.s. I'm thinking I may have to put my bird feeders back up again and let Rowdy take care of my bird problem which, in turn, may just distract him from killing chipmunks. Voila!! Problem Solved!! One could say that i was killing two birds with one stone....muah ha ha!!

p.p.p.p.s. Just jokin'.

p.p.p.p.p.s. Or am I??

hmmmmmmm


Speaking of assholes...