Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Go Bananas. Go Go Bananas.

Remember a ways back, when I confessed that I have a secret niggling fear that I may possess some hoarding tendencies ...

I have this secret niggling fear because:

A) I have an odd collection of 1/2 empty (or 1/2 full depending on my mood) bottles of shampoo in my linen closet...Apparently I go through conditioner way faster than I do shampoo and I hate to throw the remaining shampoo away but I also hate to use mismatchy shampoo and conditioner so I stash the shampoo away with the promise that I will someday return for it whenever I happen to feel like using that particular brand of hair care product again.

 Empty promises that lead to a closet full of heartbroken half empty shampoo bottles.


2)For no reason whatsoever, I, historically, have kept any empty boxes of Tide laundry detergent I produce piled under the laundry tub. 

Do you know how many empty Tide boxes fit under a laundry tub? 


 Actually, good news on this front...our new place has a distinct lack of laundry tubs under which I could possibly pile empty laundry detergent boxes so maybe this will help me dispose of them in a more timely/less hoarderly manner.

Well, today, I came face to face with another skeleton in my hoarding closet...

~In order to avoid any possible confusion/nightmares, I'll point out that I am speaking figuratively...I draw the line at hoarding skeletons 'cause that'd be gross.~

...my Guy was feeling a wee bit peckish and I helpfully and healthfully suggested that he have a banana for a quick snack. He immediately followed up on my suggestion and headed into the kitchen to grab his banana...

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA...see what I just did there?? Goddamn I crack myself up :D

Anyhow, within seconds I heard his wary voice asking....

"Uh, Sweetie...what are these brown things beside the bananas?"

To which I replied, "mumblemumblemumble"

My Guy- "No seriously, what are they?"

And I had to come clean...

Me- "Bananas."

My Guy- "No, I mean the things BESIDE the bananas."

Me - "Bananas."

My Guy - "....."

And that is how I arrived face to face with that aforementioned (figurative) skeleton.

I hoard bananas...

...and have for over a decade. 

~In order to avoid any possible confusion/nightmares, I'll point out that I don't actually have 12 year old bananas lurking about my house. I eventually do dispose of them. But then I buy more bananas and keep them until they're unrecognisable and eventually dispose of them, too ...then I buy some new ones. I guess you could say that I am serial hoarder when it comes to bananas. (To clarify...I'm NOT a cereal hoarder 'cause that'd be a whole other story.)

So here's the "logic" behind this squirrel_e_ness...

I want to make Banana Bread.

And you need over-ripened bananas to make Banana Bread ...I guess they're easier to smoosh up in that state. 

You may have noticed that I just said "I want to make Banana Bread." NOT "I make Banana Bread." 

You see, I've never made Banana Bread. 


Yet I save old uneaten bananas. 

I save old uneaten bananas so I can not make Banana Bread. 

Sometimes, I'll even go that extra mile and stash the old uneaten bananas in the freezer so I can not make Banana Bread at a later, more convenient date.

For over a decade, I have had every intention of making Banana Bread. 

But haven't.

But I keep saving bananas because I'm going to. 


I believe I am delusional.

I believe I am bananas.

Part Deux

Ok...so I wrote all that ridiculous stuff up there about a month ago but then decided against actually posting it because I felt that it was too pointless for even ME to post...


There has been a shocking twist to this story and it goes a little something like this...

I made Banana Bread.



I was gonna make some again yesterday but I was short a half a cup of flour and my Social Anxiety Disorder forbids me to ask neighbours or even/especially our super nice tenant to borrow a half a cup of anything, so I'm going out to buy some flour tomorrow and then I'll have at it.


Banana Bread for lunch!!! 

And breakfast.

And snack.


p.s. Now, after actually seeing exactly what goes into Banana Bread, I've decided that the name "Banana Bread" is rather misleading. The fruit/bread combo would perhaps lead some (me) to believe that it possesses some sort of nutritive value and if you believe that ....you are sorely mistaken. As was I.

I discovered that Banana Bread is essentially banana-flavoured sugar and butter with some flour thrown in to hold it together so it doesn't melt away when placed in the oven. 

With that in mind, I strongly recommend that All People of the Universe start calling a spade a spade and toss aside this misleading misnomer!!! 


It is cake. Without frosting.

Banana Cake.

And it is delicious.